Philosophical Nothings
by aloette
Summary: Tamaki thinks he's a philosopher. So why won't anyone listen to his eye-opening words?


(8/26/08): I've been meaning to edit my stories, and I decided to do this one. I'm still surprised that I wrote something like this. It was inspired by a discussion in one of my classes, and most of the quotations (by Hikaru, for example) were actually real ones. Strange classmates I have.

* * *

It was a Monday, a day that was devoted wholly to planning the club's cosplays and events for the week. Monday, a day that was usually uneventful, and therefore used for study hall (Haruhi), eating cake (Hunny), watching Hunny eat cake (Mori), being bored (the twins), and thinking of new ideas (Tamaki).

Only Kyouya, really, used this time to plan ahead. Nobody ever contributed their opinions, but then again, he never really asked for them. Tamaki was usually full of them, but they were either a) not used, or b) changed into a new idea that would be used.

In other words, it was a very boring and ordinary day.

Furthermore, it was rainy June day, a month in which there were no special events.

Perhaps this melancholic day is what prompted Tamaki to think of death.

In his musings, not even the new corn melon snack could cheer him up as he began to philosophize deeply. He was thinking about death, after all. And after a good amount of time had passed in the club, he decided to share his thinking.

"Fellow subjects!" he proclaimed, his voice echoing off the walls of the Third Music Room.

No answer.

"My fellow subjects!"

Haruhi looked up with little interest before moving on to more important matters, such as her history homework.

"Milord, nobody really wants to listen to what you have to say," Hikaru said while concentrating on his handheld game.

"Go left there, Hikaru," his brother muttered, not even paying attention to what was going on.

Hunny seemed to find cake more important than Tamaki, so he continued to chew away.

Tamaki thus turned towards Kyouya, who was methodically typing on his laptop. "Mother, nobody is listening to me! Make them listen!" he whined.

_Tap-tap-tap._ Kyouya was very busy, as he had to think of the events, plan the caterers, arrange the times, and budget the club's account.

"_Mother!" _But Tamaki obviously did not think this to be as important as himself and e was not going to give up.

"Yes, Tamaki?" he finally said, pushing up his glasses in a way that said, What do you want and is it worth your life?

"I have a very important matter to discuss with everyone!" Tamaki cried out, oblivious to the danger signals emitting from his bespectacled friend.

"Do you have an event idea?"

"What – no. Kyouya, this is much more important than creating revenue for our humble club! This is a situation of life and death!" he said, clenching his fist and raising it up in the air. "It could be life altering! We might have to change the way we live because a new perspective has been seen!"

"I see. So you're saying that the club doesn't matter? Because if that is the case, I'll gladly hand in my resignation first thing tomorrow morning."

"Kyouya!" But seeing that Kyouya was not in the mood of being helpful and was in fact being very sarcastic, he turned towards his daughter. She, of all people, would listen to him.

"Haruhi, Haruhi, your daddy has some very impor–"

"Tamaki-senpai, for the last time, you are _not_ my father," she said with exasperation.

Smiling, he said, "Okay, maybe not your father, but like your father, right?"

"Right," she said absentmindedly, turning her attention to her textbook. The last period of classical Japanese history was the Heian period, and it lasted from 794 to 1185.

"So since I'm _like_ your father, then when I have something very important to say, you'll listen to me since that is what any good daughter would do."

"Fine." During the Heian period, the capital of Japan was Heian-kyo, which would later become modern-day Kyoto.

"Then, Haruhi: what do you think about on your deathbed?"

The question forced Haruhi to look up. "My deathbed?"

"Yes, when you are about to die in your bed, a day of which would bring the whole world to their knees, what are you going to think about?"

"Tamaki-senpai," she began, "the weather might be rather gloomy today and all, but I don't think…"

"No, my daughter!" he said, or rather shouted. "Death should not be feared! It is only the next stage of life of which all humans are destined!"

Now the twins looked up; for once, their attention was away from their game. Hunny's forkful of cake stopped midway to his mouth, and Mori, seeing this, helped him finish the bite. Unconsciously, Hunny chewed the strawberry cake and said thank you.

"Milord, what are _you_ going to think about?" Hikaru asked with a sneer.

He turned around. "You twins! You utterly ignore me before, and now you interrupt my meaningful conversation with my only daughter!"

The hosts now crowded around the table that Haruhi was sitting at. "Why are there so many people here all of a sudden?" she wondered.

"Haruhi, will you be thinking about me?" Kaoru asked with a smile. "Forget about Tamaki-senpai."

"No, Kaoru, I probably won't. I'll probably be thinking about…family," she said truthfully, ignoring his protests.

"We are a family indeed!" Tamaki announced. "On my deathbed, I'll be thinking about my wonderful family members and how sad they will be because I can no longer be with them! Oh, but though my life ends, my beauty will live on!"

"Probably not," Hikaru said. Kaoru agreed.

"What? How could that be! You two–"

"I'll be thinking about cake! Oh, and Takashi! And…Usa-chan!" Hunny said. He seemed to be rather at ease talking about his death. "What about you, Takashi?"

The tall man looked down at his cousin. "People I care about," he said.

"Kyouya-senpai will probably be thinking about money," Hikaru whispered to Kaoru. "Like – I wish I could have made more money! Or – If only I could have gotten that really good business deal!"

"Did you just say something?" Kyouya asked with a smile of disturbing proportions.

"W-what? Oh, nothing. We didn't say anything," they hastily answered.

"And Milord," Kaoru said. "He'll probably be thinking about Haruhi."

"That's it! Lust!" Hikaru exclaimed, snapping his fingers. He grabbed his favorite commoner and moaned, "I wish I could touch you one more time."

"What a horrible mind you have, you little devil! How dare you create such an image, especially when it concerns our club's princess!" He went over to Hikaru to try to pry him off Haruhi, but he ended up getting pushed back. Saddened, he retreated to his corner where no one disturbed him.

"Hikaru, stop that. It's nasty," she said, pushing him off. "You too, Kaoru. I still don't get why you want to be talking about death in the first place. Most sensible people don't think about their deaths."

"How mean, Haruhi. And what else will you be thinking about? How about – Oh, I wish I could have aced another test!"

The twins high-fived. "Good one!" Kaoru said.

"And," Hikaru said, cupping Kaoru's chin, "I'll definitely be thinking about you."

"Oh, brother, I only wish…that we could have spent more time together…"

"Kaoru! I won't be able to live without you!"

"Hikaru!"

"Kaoru!"

"Hikaru!"

"Stop it already," Haruhi interrupted. "Save for tomorrow when there are actually customers here."

"Eh? Save it for tomorrow…" Hunny slowly said, thinking. "Haru-chan! That's a great idea!"

"What? What do you mean?"

"An idea for club tomorrow! Talking about family and love and cake and everything!"

"Isn't that what we always do?" Kaoru asked.

"Yeah, besides, no one wants to talk about dying," Hikaru shrugged.

"Aw…I thought it was a good idea," Hunny sadly said, eating another piece of cake to console himself. Mori silently patted him on the back.

"But if we change the idea of death to something else, it just might work," Kyouya said. He began typing rapidly into his keyboard to start a new spreadsheet. In a club this crazy, anything could work.

"And this, of course, was my brilliant idea! I had this all planned from the very beginning!" Tamaki announced, after coming back from his corner.

"Yeah right."

Once again, Tamaki was shunted off into his corner.

The conversation continued on without him, and this is how this rainy Monday in June was spent.

And somehow, the next day, Haruhi wasn't too surprised when she saw the host club members dressed as in long colorful robes (courtesy of the Hitachiins), telling the girls about the importance of family, love, life, and lust.

Well, okay, maybe not lust.


End file.
